Bodega has a 2-star date
by HidingInTheChristmasLights
Summary: Bodega thinks he is in when he scores a date with the hottest blue-skin in the Space-Navy, but he soon discovers that his date is a little more than he bargained for... (DISCLAIMER: please ignore the spelling...)


It was a hot day in the Carnovia desert, and the mineworkers and space-hog farmers were resting in the towns only pub: "The sailing monkey". Inside they were all miserably slumped over their beverage, and the place was more miserable than Cruella-da-ville being forced to watch Crufts. The low lingering heat of the mid-day sun sweapt up a stink of smelly armpits and tummy hair. The room was neither pleasant nor interesting.

Suddenly the saloon dorors flung open! Stepping into the bar in a whip of Carnovian sand, was the curvasious figure Sally; her red lips glistening so brightly that all the attention was immediatly drawn to them. She was wearing a tight white space suit with the signature "Commander " embroiddered into the chest, and her hair was messy from a speedy journey of space flight. "Evening gentlemen" she said, brushing herself off and heading to the nearest available stool. The whole room watched is awe as she moved gracefully from one side to the other; red faced scale-dwellers drooling into their cups with lust. She sat down at the bar and tapped her blue finger on the counter top. "I'll take two whiskys and a kiss please"  
The bartender who was already waiting with anticipation, slid over as fast as he could with two glasses in hand. "H-h-here you go miss". The two whiskys slid over the tabletop. Sally looked at them for a second, "and my kiss?" she said.  
The bartender shook nervously, "ah, um, yes, yep, uh"  
Sally extended her hand.  
The bartender, sweaty and nerdy, took her hand and pecked it lightly.  
Sally took it back. "Good, now go away"  
The bartender dipped his head and scurried off to another customer.  
Sally took one whisky for herself, and layed the other one infront of the empty stool to the right. A lizard-skin farm girl poked in from the left. "Got two drinks for yourself?" She said intrudingly.  
"I'm waiting for a friend" Said Sally, picking her nailpolish, uninterested.  
"Ah" the lizard girl said nasaly, "Well they're not very good for showin' up late. They got no watch or something"  
"Yes... Something like that"  
She turned away from the stranger in hopes of ending the conversation. The girl raised one finger as if she was rolling the words on the end of her tongue, but she found it difficult to talk to a back. She turned around and keept drinking her drink sluggishly. Suddenly in the empty seat, slid a rather large, middle-aged scale-dweller. Sally squinted.  
"Can i help you?" She said, her eyes watering from the over-powering B-O smell of his dungarees.  
"I don't know, can you?" he said, looking her up and down like a hungry lion. "Whats a lovely lady like you doin' in this place?"  
"Waiting for a friend" she replied, having no other direction to turn in.  
"Ah, well, it looks like your friend ain't er'" He said, leaning in. He grunted."I can be your friend"  
Sally leaned away. "No thankyou"  
"Come on, i ain't so bad" He said, placing his hand on her knee.  
Suddenly she could feel it slithering up her leg and making its way into an area that was a little too close to the nether regions.  
She grabbed his hand, punching him in the face with a crack! Her legs swung around his neck, and suddenly she was on top of him, thwacking him in the head in a rather uncomfortable piggy back ride. The man flung her off. His face was filled with rage and lust. "Now that wasn't very nice." He said, lunging for her. Sally dipped; feeling the wind of his hand breeze over her hair. He stumbled into a near by table, knocking over the snail-surprises of 4 young green-skin boys. The boys got out of their seat; one of them punching the man square in the mouth. Another boy got involved, and then another, and then a different table completely, and suddenly the room was plunged into a full fledged bar-fight. Chairs were flying everywhere, tables were flipping, and glasses were smashing.  
Meanwhile, Sally was being brawled by the lizard girl, who was evidently still sour about before.

Suddenly another figure walked through the saloon doors. It was Bodega. His face was full of shock. He looked to be in disbelief of the carnage that he had just walked into. Sally saw him.  
"Morning!" She said, spinning around the girls neck in a leg-on-throat headlock.  
Bodega stood in the door frame, a plate narrowly missing his head.  
"What in flarv!" He shouted.  
"I bought you a whisky!" Sally shouted back cheerily, huffing as she dodged another punch.  
Bodega looked to the shot glass on the bar that was seemingly untouched by the warfare around it. "What in the..."  
From behind Bodega came a wailing siren, and in a flock of blue, the police charged in. "Oi!" they shouted, "Now that will be enough!". Nobody listened. "O-Oi!", they began trying to break up the fights. It wasn't working and it seemed that they were only adding to the violence.  
Sally had finished with the girl, and was walking away from the groaning pile on the floor. "Bitch!" She shouted after her. Sally kept walking. She greeted Bodega and took him by the arm; tidying her hair and trying to look presentable for her date. "I told you this place was a bad place to have it", she said as they walked outside, "it only had 2 stars on Moldytomatoes".

And they walked off into the sun.

To be continued...


End file.
